You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
