An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I would ride that face into the sunset
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
