My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
