its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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