my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
