btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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