I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize