so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
