He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
