sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
