Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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