nut hugger
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Operation Purity has been aborted
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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