Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
