Your face is a jimmy john
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize