Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
