we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
