Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
