I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
