I hope mine doesn't look like that
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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