Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
