I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
