i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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