Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
