i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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