I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
