I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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