hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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