If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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