i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize