What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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