I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
