How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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