my mouth tastes like poor choices
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize