Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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