His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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