he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
