what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My dick has a subreddit
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
