Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
