first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
