I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
