Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize