he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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