Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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