I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize