i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
