i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
