at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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