OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
