I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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