He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
