Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
