Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
