I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
