so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I need to stop coming to work sober
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize