my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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