I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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