All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
