We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
