names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
