I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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