Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
