So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
