Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
NoShamevember. You game?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
