but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
