Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
