Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize