So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
