When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
