she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize