Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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