now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
