just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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