You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
