New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
