I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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