How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
