i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
