when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
