I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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