respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
