If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
