if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
