I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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