I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
someone owes me an orgasm
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
