I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
