Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
