Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize