i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
