Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
