awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
