we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
