Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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