I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
