im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
