my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
