she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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