getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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